Parenting Struggles

This post is definitely not going to highlight any proud moments for me as a mom but I do find it important to document and remember the trials we go through so I can better appreciate the good times and be encouraged in the future when we encounter the same struggles again with the next child. These past few months have been nearly a daily struggle with my boys, particularly Micah. Micah is usually a very sweet, loving, cuddly child but has recently become defiant, angry and sometimes violent. Now I know that this is a pretty common stage for boys his age to go through, but it is just so far from his usual personality that the difference has been striking. The other major trial has been his regression in potty training. And this really threw me for a loop because he had been fully toilet trained for about a year and a half. Now all the sudden, he was going in his underwear nearly 5-6 times a day, sometimes an entire bladder full worth.

I knew how (mostly) to deal with the behavioral and disobedience issues but I really had no idea what to do about the peeing in his pants. I was so confused and had no idea why he would suddenly choose to do that. As we looked on the Internet about why some preschoolers would regress in toilet training, even after such a long period of success, we came to understand that for some unknown reason, stresses and major life changes can cause this regression. I had expected that kind of regression if life was stressful or something big happened shortly after toilet training but really didn’t know it could happen after a year and a half. I had wrongly assumed Micah was just being lazy and defiant, purposefully going in his pants for some reason. Thankfully, some really wonderful family members and friends encouraged me to look at Micah’s life in the last few weeks and see what was going on. As we thought about it, we realized Micah’s “normal” life was changing dramatically and we hadn’t really even noticed since all the changes were not directly involving him from our perspective but from his, nothing was the same anymore. Samantha was starting school (a huge deal here with lots of extra attention and new things), 3 of his best friends plus his sister would no longer be with him in kindergarten, I am pregnant and needing more personal rest time in the afternoon, and Noah has become more of a big kid and thus a competitor for toys and attention in a new way than before. And part of Samantha starting school was making her think she was a “big girl” now and wanted to play more alone and “girly” toys than with Micah. This was a major adjustment for him because she is, and always has been, his best friend and he worships the ground she walks on.

Once we realized how many changes and stresses he was dealing with, and taking into account his more sensitive personality, we were much more understanding of how hard he was struggling. Although we still don’t, as adults, quite understand what makes a stressed child pee in his pants, we do understand that everyone deals with stress in different ways (I eat! lol). After we were aware of his struggles we were able to develop a plan of attack so to speak to help him adjust and hopefully come out of this period of toilet regression and behavior problems. We decided we would need to start reminding him it was time to go potty on a regular basis again, with the insistence that he go when we asked, and praise him for staying dry beforehand. Also we wouldn’t make a big deal out of it when he was wet, just make him change his own clothes, clean it up, and put them in the laundry. This part was really the hardest for me, not making it a big deal out of it, because it really upset me and made me angry sometimes. It was a good test of my patience to ignore it; my natural instinct was to punish him for it, although from everything I read, I knew this wouldn’t, and hadn’t, helped. We also decided we were going to be more purposeful with all the kids about spending time with them on an individual basis, making sure they knew they were each important and that they weren’t lost or being forgotten despite with changes in our family. The ironic thing about Micah being the one to struggle so much with the changes, the baby being a major one, is that part of why we wanted to have an even number of kids was to avoid more of these “middle child” issues, only to have her birth be the thing that caused these issues to arise. It’s been hard for me to not take it all personally, to feel like I am a failure as a parent, to blame myself that I haven’t given them what they need. But I know that is not true and I just need to be more proactive in their lives.

It’s been about four weeks now since we really started putting effort into giving each kid extra attention and encouraging good behavior and habits. Micah has made great improvements in the toilet training department and is doing better at listening and obeying as well as playing more gently and nicely. Those things I know are a lifelong effort, especially with boys, so of course I don’t expect perfection overnight. Despite the fact that I have had to give up a little bit of my “own” time in the afternoons to spend more quality time with the kids, I am actually enjoying the time with them more than I expected to. It’s been fun, and a challenge sometimes, to find things to do that each really enjoys which I believe is really important- to celebrate and encourage their strengths and differences.  Thankfully, I haven’t had to not play with them or give them attention very often due to the pregnancy in the last few weeks, most of the discomforts I was feeling have eased (although replaced by others but I am still able to be there with the kids). I am working now on planning a few activities each week to do with them, especially as fall and winter descend and we can’t go to the park outside as often as before (any ideas are of course welcome and greatly appreciated!).

In retrospect, although it has been really emotionally tough, I am glad we have had this experience of regression to make me reevaluate how I parent and to work harder to see the world through my kids’ eyes. This parenting thing is never easy and we are never finished learning how to do it better. I think that is one of the most important lessons I have learned in all this- that I don’t have all the answers and can always do more in the lives of my kids. Keep us all in your prayers as we embark on adding another member to our brood soon and all the struggles, and joy, that will bring to us and our children.

Sommerferien

Well, it is officially summer break here in Germany. Actually, it has been break now for almost two weeks, I have just been so busy that I have neglected to write what we have been up to. Thankfully, the kids (along with 2 friends) are watching a DVD right now while Noah sleeps so I have a few moments alone with the computer.

So the summer break from school here is only 6 weeks long; the break from the kids’ kindergarten, only 3 weeks. As you can imagine, that makes everything really crowded- the pool, movie theater, town, etc. is packed with people as lots of parents also are on vacation a majority of the time the kids are out of school. The first week of Sommerferien (summer vacation), Ken was out of town from Saturday through Thursday at a conference in Amsterdam so I was home alone with the kids. I like to stay really busy when he is gone so I don’t get so lonely or bored without him, plus it usually helps the kids be more tired and they sleep good and early, which I need. Whenever I am home alone with the kids, I have so much respect for single parents, military families, and those who have to live separately for one reason or another. It is always a physical and emotional challenge for me. We stayed busy with lots of visits to the playgrounds (sometimes twice a day) and getting together with friends. One of the other moms from kindergarten took Samantha and Micah for the day once so Noah and I went into town for ice cream and had a nice time alone (hence, why I have them at our house today-trying to return the favor!). The time surprising went really fast without Ken and we were happy to welcome him back. If I wasn’t pregnant, I think the whole time would have been fully without complaint but I am trying to dwell on the positives of having another child, rather than the challenges associated with the pregnancy.

The day after Ken came back (did I mention it was REALLY HOT the whole time he was gone?) we went as a family to the outdoor pool to celebrate the boys’ upcoming birthdays. It was really hot so perfect pool weather and a great way to spend time with each other after a week apart. Ken was determined he didn’t need sunscreen so he burned to a crisp! ha ha, I guess he learned his lesson. Also that same weekend, we rearranged all our furniture to free up a bedroom for Samantha to have her own. Now Ken and I are in the big room (previously the playroom) and Samantha has her own room, the boys share. We figured with her starting school and needing to be up earlier than the boys, plus needing a place to do homework and have some quiet time, it was time for her to have her own room. She loves it. We are pleasantly surprised that it doesn’t feel more crowded in the apartment although we thought it would. Actually seems like we have more space now.

Ken has also been on the hunt for the rest of Samantha’s school supply list and I think we have mostly covered the basics of what she needs. There is an assortment of books that we still have to purchase but have another four weeks left still to take care of that. I also need to start collecting things to put in her Schultute which is basically a really large cone shaped poster board filled with toys, school supplies and sweets for the kids here to get on their first day of first grade. A cute tradition but certainly adds to the stress (and price!) of the start of school.

Next week is the last week of break from kindergarten, which Micah will return to on a daily basis. Samantha doesn’t start school for another three weeks after that so she will mostly be at home with me and Noah. I’m very grateful that the kindergarten teachers have said she can come visit a couple times a week until school starts. It will help her maintain her German- we are also planning playdates frequently throughout the break- and will give me a chance to do a few things in town or get together with other friends that only have young children like Noah.  As much as I am enjoying the summer break (mostly I love not having to hurry anywhere every morning), I am really looking forward to getting back into our routine. I miss the time with just Noah in the morning- soon to be with our sweet baby girl too! I miss the kids having their friends to play with daily and to burn off energy with. I miss the exercise of walking them to and from kindergarten and being able to walk myself while they are there, I feel so lazy without that daily walk! But for the next week, I am just going to enjoy the time with my kiddos because all too soon, our lives are going to be busy and hectic again and the time will fly by!

New Park

One of the best things about Germany, our town in particular, is the sheer volume of parks available for the kids to play at. In our small neighborhood alone, there are three public parks- one of which is quite large with a soccer field next to it- and probably half a dozen mini playgrounds attached to apartment complexes that are also available for anyone to use. We also have a large lake about a half a mile away that has a large playground and another mini one on the other side. Because of this abundance of local, fun parks in the near vicinity, we are outside playing nearly every day, sometimes twice a day. This is one of the best parts of living here for me because it is so good for kids to play outdoors but when there aren’t safe, fun places for them that are readily available, more and more kids are staying indoors and not getting the exercise they need.

Most mornings, while the older kids are at kindergarten (where they play outside a large portion of the time), Noah and I are out and about walking around the lake, meeting with friends, playing at the parks.  Some mornings we run errands like grocery shopping or getting random things in town we may not be able to get closer to home but we always try to play outside or do something active. A few times a week we meet with my friend Angi and her son, occasionally another friend and her daughter join us, to go do something.

We had been trying to go into town on our bikes to a new-to-us park that also has a small pond and nice playground. Finally, this Thursday we had good weather, in fact it was a little too warm at times, so we quickly planned to go to this new park. We met shortly after dropping Sam and Micah at kindergarten and visited while drinking coffee at her little garden outside her apartment. The boys played, and fought, with trucks and shovels in the sandbox as we talked. Then we loaded up the boys and our bags (with fruit and water) on our bikes and headed into town. Our first stop was at the city hall where we both needed to pick up more yellow recycling bags and the boys wanted to look at the big fountain out front that is now turned on for the summer. After accomplishing this, we climbed back on our bikes to make our way to the park.

Angi is from Gottingen, born and raised here, so she knows her way around really well and can tell you pretty much anything you need to know about the town. That is, assuming I understand her since we speak only in German but most all the time I do as she speaks slowly and carefully and tries really hard to clarify what she means if I don’t understand. Anyways, we took a couple of wrong turns- which I teased her about since she is from here- but that allowed us to see a part of town I hadn’t seen before. We went by a really beautiful rose garden, in full bloom, that I just really would have loved to sit and drink coffee while reading a book. Of course, this is just a dream when you have a toddler in tow. Once we reached the park, the boys quickly began climbing up the play structures, sliding, swinging, digging in the dirt, doing all the great things that little boys do. They play really well together, when they aren’t fighting over a toy! And Noah understands nearly all the German that Angi speaks to him so it works really well. After they played on the playground for a while, we took them over to the shade near the pond where they watched the fountain in the middle and laughed at the birds, ducks, and bugs they could see. I really love having my kids out in nature so often and will miss that when we are back in States.

After both boys were starting to get worn out, and us moms too to be honest (!), we got back on our bikes to head back home and to pick up Samantha and Micah from kindergarten. It was such a beautiful day, perfect for exploring a new park. Unfortunately, it’s a little far away to take all the kids on bikes there but it works for a morning trip with Noah. Hopefully we will head in there again and maybe explore even more good parks we have yet to discover.

Grocery Shopping

Grocery shopping in Germany, for me, is great exercise. Because everything is so much smaller here- I have a little kitchen with not too many cupboards, and the fridge is about half the size of an American one- I have to shop at least twice a week and sometimes more depending on the week. This is great exercise because the closest store is about a half mile away and the big store is about two miles into town. Some mornings I walk to the closer store with Noah after taking the older kids to kindergarten or we go on the bike with the trailer. The great thing about the bike with trailer is I can get more into the trailer and pull it home rather than carry it. When we get to the store, we have to lock up the bikes and our helmets (bike theft is one of the most common crimes here in Gottingen) before we go in to shop. Sometimes, depending on the time of day and Noah’s mood, I will take him into the bakery next door where they always give the kids these little balls of bread called “Kustanien brot” which is shaped and looks like kustaniens (similar to a chestnut but not edible that fall all over in the autumn and kids love to collect and play with them). One thing about grocery shopping that is different here is you have to put a coin into the shopping cart to use it and then you get it back when you return it after shopping. Great thing about this is, the parking lot is not littered with unreturned carts and it helps keep costs down because they don’t have to have employees going in and out to stock the carts throughout the day.

Most of the grocery stores are smaller here in Germany than in the US. The close one I go to the most often is probably about the size of the produce and deli departments of a Fred Meyer (best one for me to think of since I used to work there). The selection is, of course, not extensive but it works for us as a basis for our weekly shopping. One great thing about this store is it is owned by the same company as owns Trader Joes so we get lots of their products. The rest of the selection is most similar to a discount grocery store. There is also a much larger store in town, similar to a Safeway, that I have more recently started going to on a regular basis. Since I got my new bike, it has been much easier to get into town so now I can do some of my shopping there as well. Before, Ken would stop there about once a week for those food items we couldn’t get nearby. It has a much larger selection, various ethnic varieties, and isn’t very expensive- it is the most similar to an American grocery store. There is also another, much larger store, at the mall that is a lot like a Walmart where you can buy food, clothes, housewares, etc. in the same place. I don’t get there very often though because I can get what I need other places and for me, it is so easy to buy more than I need when it is available. When I used to work at Fred Meyers, I know I purchased more than I needed because it was there and convenient even though unnecessary.

The other reason I say grocery shopping is good exercise here is because you have to do everything yourself, other than ring it up. You load it all onto the conveyor belt  yourself and then into your bags. They are pretty fast, since they don’t have to put it into your bags, so I have to move quickly too. Now I know how much physical work it is to be a cashier at a grocery store. The other major difference in any shopping here in Germany is the lack of credit cards. Very few stores, pretty much only the large department stores, will take credit cards. Everywhere else is paid primarily in cash or with an EC card, the German equivalent of a debit card. The good thing about this is, we don’t buy more than we actually have the money for, something we had been working really hard to learn in the States. Now we have no choice but to live within our budget and we are much happier this way. After all this, I load it into the stroller or bike trailer and pull it home, which has added about 20 more pounds to my load. I really love that just in my everyday life, something as simple as grocery shopping has added extra exercise. Of course, it’s not as easy as just jumping in the car and driving for a few minutes when you need something but that has the added benefit of making me evaluate whether I really need that item  and saves me money if I decide I don’t.

My mom said it felt very strange to go back to the States and shop in a large store after being here for a month to visit this summer. I can imagine after doing it for three plus years, it will seem even stranger to me. I can’t even believe I would ever buy more than one gallon of milk at a time, a whole gallon seems huge to me now. I also buy flour in bags about a quarter of the size I used to, everything is in smaller portions so I guess all shopping will seem strange to me. I do miss the relaxing days of shopping I used to do with my family and look forward to maybe doing a little bit of that with my mom when she is here at Christmas.

Telling Time in Germany

Since we arrived in Germany a year ago, I have struggled to fully understand their method of telling time. It occurred to me, last week as I was talking with another mom at kindergarten about what time I should pick Samantha and Micah up from their house after a birthday party, that I should sit down and write what I know because it could help some others struggling with this same concept. Or maybe, I am the only one who finds it a challenge but when I reread this post in a year I will laugh at myself for having not understood it the first time.

One of the main things I have had to learn is military time. So I know for all you military families, this isn’t such a big deal because you do it everyday but for me I had to think, every time I looked at a digital clock, what that was in a regular (to my standards) time. Thankfully after a few months, I could just look at the clock and know what time it was without thinking, it had become part of my understanding of time. The funny thing about the 24 hour clock here though is that some people use it in their everyday lives and others don’t. Everything that posts a time for something to start (ie movie theathers, concerts, sales) it is always in 24 hour time, which is helpful because you always know whether this is morning or evening. But I have found from person to person, some use it when they are talking about their day and others do not. I have one German friend who uses them both, sometimes in the same conversation- that can get confusing, let me tell you! If it’s not enough that I am trying to make sure I understand the right number when she says it, then I am having to think of whether she means on a 24 hour system or 12 hour. Another friend always uses the 12 hour system while her husband uses the 24- aahhh!

One another difference between the American way of telling time and the German method is how you say the half and quarter hours. When Germans say “halb sechts” (half six), they don’t mean 6:30 as we would in the States but rather 5:30, half of the sixth hour. The same is true for the quarter hours. I find that, even know that I know this, I am still not always confident I understood correctly so I will ask if they mean 5:30 (funf uhr dreissig). Hopefully, I will feel more confident in this as time goes on but I think it is sort of the like the 24 hour system, it will just take time for it to seem normal to me. Right now, it just feels wrong, like I am saying the wrong thing all the time.

It’s interesting to me that even though time is a universal concept, we all tell time all across the world, it can still be so different in another culture and language. In Germany, punctuality is highly valued, it doesn’t look so good to be late anywhere. If you know me, you know this is already a flaw of mine so added to the differences in time, I am in real trouble! LOL. I have tried to work harder to be on time since arriving here, usually taking earlier buses than necessary. Now, I just really have to master my understanding of the clock and I will be all set!

Getting around without a car

Since we moved to Germany almost a year ago (I can’t believe it has been that long!), I think I have been in a car less times than I can count on one hand, which is about as often as I would have driven in the States on a regular day. It’s strange to think that Noah has almost no concept of riding in a car, Micah has nearly forgotten, and only Samantha will probably remember it at all by the time we leave here. And yet, I absolutely love not having a car. Since we live in a city where we can get everywhere easily by bike, walking or bus, and when we want to go a distance the trains go everywhere, it has been so easy to get on without a car. I am sure it is like riding a bike and you never really forget how to drive but I have a feeling it will take me a bit of practice when that time comes again.

I think because I had to drive so much for work every week when we lived in the States, it has been a welcome experience to travel differently. It’s also much less of a financial burden than a car. Every month there we spent a few hundred dollars on gas and insurance and were fortunate not to have a car payment as we paid for them in cash. Here, we rarely spend more than ten euros a month on travel, unless we are going out of town and take a train, which we usually only do when we have company visiting. Just this last weekend though, Ken did buy me a new bike so I would have an easier time getting around quickly instead of the longer time it takes to walk. My old bike, which we had purchased used when we got here, was having some problems. The seat wouldn’t stay up, the lights and brakes worked only sporadically (not safe when you are pulling a bike trailer with your children in it), and also it was made for a teenage boy which made it highly uncomfortable for me. Anyways, we bought this new bike and the total cost of it was less than our gas and insurance bills were for one month and this will last me for at least another two years. Of course, I will still have to take the bus sometimes and pay the fare and the bike will need minor repairs over the course of that time as well but overall, hardly any more out of pocket costs for local travel. When you are living on a tight budget (PhD students don’t get paid very much and I can’t work here yet) as we are, this kind of savings really goes a long way.

I really wish the States could get more on board with mass transit systems and make it easier for this kind of lifestyle in the States. Even after living here this long, I know it would be impossible to get around like this very many places in the States although I plan to try as much as possible when we return. God gave us legs to get around on, we might as well use them! Ha ha. Which brings up another point that I love about not having a car, the fact that it forces me to get exercise everyday, no getting around it with excuses. If you want to go somewhere, you get yourself there which is great for my health. Although I have stalled in my weight loss (I always do at this point when I am nursing a baby), I am in the best shape of my life. I hope that when Noah is weaned, I will be able to drop more weight as a result of daily exercise. Walking and biking every day has really boosted my energy and strengthened all of my muscles. I will admit here that the only time I wish I could just hop in the car is when I am sick. It is hard to exercise when you are sick but I just have to tough it out, there isn’t another option. Pretty much, that is the only time in the past year when I have thought, “I really wish I had a car here.”

In case you are wondering how we get around like this with the three kids, it’s a little more complicated and slightly more time consuming than a car, but manageable nonetheless. At this point, when we ride our bikes, Samantha can ride her bike with us most of the time. There are a few places we have had to go where that wouldn’t be possible so we take the bus or walk. As she gets older, this will become easier and easier. Micah and Noah ride in the bike trailer behind one of us and we are planning to get a seat for my bike for Noah for times when I just have him to take, much easier than pulling the trailer. Kids here learn to ride bikes very young, usually around the age of 3 or 4 so probably next summer Micah can start riding with us as well for short and safe distances. All this riding is also great family time and we have really learned to appreciate travelling without a car.

Entertainment

I am almost ashamed to admit it that one of the things I miss most about the States, aside from our friends and family, is the various forms of media entertainment we enjoyed in America. TV, internet, radio, movie theaters, all easily accessible and a regular form of relaxing I was very used to. Granted, you can get all those things here as well, they are just in German. You know, its not that I was one of those people who is addicted to their TV and had to have it on all the time, but more like one who enjoyed a few hours of rest before bed time each day. I also used to listen to the radio daily on my hour long commute to and from work (something I DON’T miss- the commute, not the radio). The encouraging Christian music and occasional talk show made the time go quicker and gave me focus each day.

After we had been here for a while and I was starting to get really depressed and lonely, I realized a large part of that was because I had no outlet, no down time for myself. I was able to read some, a set of books Ken had bought for me, but that was about the extent of any relaxation I had. Oh, well, we did have the movies we brought with us but by that time, we had watched all of them at least two or three times. So for my birthday my wonderful husband purchased a VPN account for me which basically simulates a US router so allows you access to US websites like HULU and Netflix which we were otherwise unable to look at. I was able to watch Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, TBL and a few others again! It is almost embarrassing to say how happy that made me but it really did and lifted me up a lot. Since then, I have caught up on last seasons shows from a few that I (or we) watched regularly and will be able to watch on a weekly basis again this year. Through Netflix online, I have been able to watch some movies other than the ones we brought with us.

And then this week, I realized that I don’t want to fill all my time up with watching or vaguely watching shows or movies that I don’t really have a strong desire to watch but simply to fill the silence when I am cleaning or doing some other chore. I thought back to what I did in the States and that reminded me that the radio station I used to listen to in Oak Harbor (Seattle area) is also available to stream live online so I turned it on and have been listening a ton since. That has been a great mood booster too because it is all Christian music, and a good variety of it so I don’t get bored with the same artist over and over like listening to my CDs. It is also a little taste of home, a touch of the familiar and I think that goes a long way. And I also feel like I am a better mom when I choose to listen to music instead of actively watching something because I pay more attention to the kid’s needs that way and they know I am listening to them as well.

Another thing we do here more for entertainment is play games together. The kids and I tend to play a game of cards, Candyland, etc. once or twice a week. Most weekends Ken and I will play games one night, usually Settlers of Catan, sometimes Scrabble or another new one we bought called The Forbidden Island. Playing games together was something we did a lot when we were dating and it’s a great way to be together and talk while having something to entertain ourselves too. We just recently started working on a HUGE 2000 piece puzzle (I know, yes, we are that lame!) that will take us a long time to finish but is another fun way to be together.

I have been reading more since we bought a Kindle and my parents brought it with them when they came. So far, I have only bought one book but have read three because there are tons of free ones to “buy” as well. I also got a library card for the city library where they have a small English book section and I can find plenty to interest me there. I am really happy to be reading more again, I have always loved to read. I’d like to start reading some more child friendly chapter books to the older kids so I’m on the look out for good ones on the Kindle.

I have yet to go the movie theater here in town yet although Ken went and saw Harry Potter opening night. Most movies shown are in German which never ceases to amaze me that so much money and effort is spent on dubbing into German when this is such a small country and language by comparison to others. The local theater does play some movies in their original language each week but so far, they haven’t really been ones that I had enough interest to see or were the right times. Don’t judge me but I really hope they have the new Twilight movie in English when it comes out, otherwise I’ll be really disappointed. I’d like to go see a movie sometime soon, even if I have to go by myself and leave the kids with Ken, just to get out on my own and do something fun. I realize more and more that a little bit of entertainment goes a long way towards my sanity as a wife and mother living abroad.

Kindergarten

On August 2nd, my older kids started kindergarten. You may be thinking, “What? Kindergarten for a 3 year old?!?” Well, German kindergarten is not like American kindergarten which is an introduction to elementary school. Although I would guess the idea stems from here to some extent (I haven’t done any research on that), they are very different. German kindergarten is sort of like a mix of preschool and day care put together. The kids all go together, from age 3 until 6 when they start grundschule (elementary school), and they can go for various lengths of stay each day. Vormittags (mornings) are from 8-12, dreivierteltags (3/4 days) are from 8-2 including a lunch, and ganztags (full days) are from 8-5.

My kids are in the same class and they go in the mornings only; we would have liked to put Samantha in for the 3/4 day to further increase her language learning time but the logistics of picking them up at separate times was just not feasible and the increased cost for the meals would have really stretched us thin. The kindergarten is about a 1/2 mile walk from our apartment- I push Noah in the stroller and the kids ride their scooters. This works well to get us there for now, when it snows we will probably switch to bikes or a sled, depending on how well maintained the side walks are. We are really happy with their kindergarten. The teachers are really great, all very understanding of the language barrier and really working hard to help the kids adjust. Right now, their class is not full, I think there are only about 15 kids in it, which is also helpful for more one on one interaction with the teachers.

I also really love the way their mornings are organized. Kids can be dropped off any time between 8 and 9 and the first thing they usually do is eat fruhstuck (breakfast). My kids eat something small at home first and then I send fruit, toast, boiled egg, etc. for them to eat together with the kids in their class. One morning a week they have community breakfast where the school prepares a special breakfast that they all eat together- the kids love this day and it’s really important for the class dynamic. After breakfast, they all brush their teeth together in the bathroom. I love this because I find teeth brushing a real struggle in the morning, especially for Micah, but since everyone else is doing it, it’s so not hard. Positive peer pressure!!! Following teeth brushing, they have free play, outdoor play and circle time, in various orders depending on the weather and other plans. They also do mini field trips where they go to another playground nearby or somewhere in town. I really admire the teachers this part, taking that many young children on a long walk or bus ride into town with just them, no extra adult help.

Kids in German kindergarten are expected to learn a lot of independence. Sometimes I think in America, I was more inclined to think they were unable to do something because they were too young and I think Americans have started a trend of overprotecting our kids, but here I have learned that kids can do a lot more if they are taught, encouraged and then allowed to perform. When we arrive at kindergarten, the kids are to take their shoes off, put on their Hausschuhe (house shoes or slippers), hang up their coats, wash hands and seat themselves for breakfast. When they need to use the toilet, the teachers will help them if needed but then they wash their own hands. Throughout the day, they are encouraged to do things on their own, to stretch their abilities and do more, simply through allowing them to play how they want to. I see kids here climbing trees and riding a two wheel bicycle when they are three years old. All of this is really encouraged at kindergarten.

I, personally, although I miss them a little, am loving the time in the mornings while the kids are gone. Every day, I walk somewhere with Noah, sometimes to the grocery store, sometimes into town to browse, other times just along the river for some exercise. Then we come home and have some time to play together before he naps. While he is napping, I tidy up, do laundry, clean, do German, and various other things around the house. Even though I am usually busy doing stuff while they are gone and not really relaxing, I am able to accomplish more in a shorter period of time which means I can spend more quality time with them when they are home in the afternoon. The consistent schedule and a definitive purpose for the day has been good for my emotions too, helping me through each day. And I love watching them make new friends, experience new things, and learn a whole new language.

What a Difference 6 Months Makes

Six months ago Ken left for his annual Society of Biblical Literature conference in Atlanta, two short months after we had moved here to Germany. At the time, we had a very uncertain future in regards to staying here as we were dealing with some problems with our family’s visas. I was very homesick, struggling with a small amount of culture shock, language barriers and the looming holiday season that we would have to face, for the first time, without our families. I was very unhappy here, really just wanted to go home, and dreading the week long conference where I would be in a foreign country all alone with three little kids.

What a difference six months makes. Last week, Ken departed by train to the international SBL conference in London where he would be for about a week again. This time, I didn’t dread it for weeks ahead of time and I wasn’t even worried about how I would handle it. Of course, we still missed him and would have preferred him to be here with us but we were just fine on our own. In November, I wondered how I would fill the days to make them go faster, this time I just let come what would come.

Because my parents were coming in two weeks and we had all been sick off and on so not out getting as much exercise as previously, we decided every morning we would go on a walk to get our bodies prepared for the upcoming travel as well as our daily trek to and from kindergarten which would start August 1st. After lunch most days, we went to the park if the weather allowed, one day we went to the outdoor pool with some friends as it was hot and sunny.

Getting the dishes done was something I had struggled with the previous trip because the boys never seemed to be sleeping at the same time and with Noah so small then, I just couldn’t accomplish the job with them both awake. I also cherish my alone time in the evening after they are in bed (I usually study German and then watch a movie or read) so I didn’t want to sacrifice that in order to do dishes after bedtime. Recently, I switched up my dishes routine and started doing them in the afternoon during naptime (Micah naps occasionally and Noah twice daily) and not doing them again after dinner. I have been so happy with this new system because it makes the evenings so much less stressful if I am not hurrying to do dishes and get them all ready for bed. So after clearing dinner we are able to play a little and then get ready at a slightly more leisurely pace which makes the transition to sleeping much easier on them and me less stressed. This little change in schedule made the week alone much more enjoyable and a lot less stressful because the bedtime routine with 3 little ones (one of whom still nurses before sleeping) usually takes two people but was more manageable alone. Even so, I still relished in my evenings child free and I’ll admit, husband free because I could watch whatever chick flick I wanted without worrying about him- ha ha.

So despite missing my hubby and a small ailment I had to suffer through without him, I was very pleased with the way our week alone went this time around. Now I won’t be as intimidated by the idea when it comes around again in November and I will probably enjoy that time too. What a difference 6 months makes and I am sure the next 6 months will bring more changes that will impact our next adventure, hopefully for the better!

New Library Card

Today I got a library card for a German public library. Ken has had one for at least six months but I have just been too nervous to go in there on my own with the three kids and sign up. Silly, because I call the doctor, friends and others in German but I am afraid to go into a library, one of my favorite places in the whole world? Anyways, that is besides the point. We finally made time today to go in together so he could help me sign up and then watch Micah while Samantha and I explored a little. It cost 17 euros a year to get a card but I am sure in the long run, that will really pay off. I suppose it helps them buy more books- something I won’t complain about! Also, they are strict with the late fees so if you are even one day late, they charge you for the whole week. Even though I have almost always read all my books before their return dates in the past, I am queen of turning them in late so I really have to work on it otherwise that 1 euro a week fee is going to bankrupt me!

The library is a pretty good size, spread out over three floors. They have everything from books, magazines, DVDs, music, a big audio book selection, even games you can check out. Since moving here, we play games a lot more so I am sure we will check some out there. They also have a fairly good selection of books in another language, mainly English and French. I would guess there is somewhere around 750-1000 English books to choose from on the shelves and probably more out in circulation or at another of the library branches. I was very happy to find four books by authors I know and haven’t read yet so I will be happy to read them. I am sure there are also lots of others in there that I have never read before that I will also like once I discover them and since my reading selection in English is a little limited, I will just have to try them and see what I think even if I am not sure I will like them in the beginning. I also need to learn how to do the request system so I can look through the main catalog and have any I am interested in from other branches brought to me.

One of the coolest things about this library is the checkout system. I have never seen one like it although I am sure they are all over the place, just not my old local library in Oak Harbor. It is all automated so you come up, push the screen to start and then put your card on the counter in front of you. It scans the chip in the card to know it is you. After that, you stack your books three at a time on top of your card and it scans a chip located in each book and knows exactly which book you are checking out. When you are finished, it prints out a receipt for you. The think I like about it is that there are no scan bars to locate on the book and correctly line up with the scanner in order to complete the process, it is just really simple. Also it was pretty fast which was good because the library was fairly busy on a Saturday. I think I will try to go back next time when the kids have started kindergarten and I can take just Noah and really enjoy my time perusing the wonders of one of my favorite places in the world, a library.